I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
