I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
