remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize