I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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