I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
