There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
