She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
