if i can run in heels then i can drive
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
