I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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