You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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