Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize