I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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