Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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