I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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