2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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