and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
