Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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