my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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