OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
