my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
