I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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