My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
