Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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