saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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