i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
