may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
