i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
