I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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