You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
