Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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