She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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