so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
