Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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