I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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