i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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