All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
