I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
