cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
