It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
