i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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