I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
