Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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