I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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