I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
