you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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