Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
