she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
