420 ftw
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
