i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
