This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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