I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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