ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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