Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
