Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
