I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
