Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
