Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
