i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
