I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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