Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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