can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
they need to just BURY HIM!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
