so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm too high and old for this...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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