Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
