We're like a lot better than the average bears
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
