i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
