I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
