Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
