I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
