She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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