I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
