I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
