I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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