I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
