Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
