party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize