Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
