Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
