So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
