Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
