Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
