Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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