last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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