Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
