I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
